Mark Whitwell. Teachings of power.

So, what exactly did I get up to at that yoga retreat with Mark Whitwell in Fiji? In short, I danced, did lots of yoga, experienced yoga, drank wine.

In case you were wondering, doing yoga and experiencing yoga are not necessarily the same thing. Many of us successfully practice what looks like yoga in a way that makes it ‘not yoga’. This is why I am so fond of Mark Whitwell’s teachings. They are simple, yet sophisticated and effective. Crescence and Linda have both written about the gist of it, so I shall just share what I got from the retreat, over and above that core.

But first, a quick reiteration: it is the breath that makes it Yoga. Ujjaiyi inhale and exhale, in equal ratio and importance, and with full receptivity to your inhale and full release of exhale, give the experience of being part of the flow of Life, and that, lovely friends, is Yoga.

I have (sort of) been practicing this way since my first trip to India to study with TKV Desikachar and his teachers, in 2006. But, as I have said before, I didn’t quite get it until I met Mark in Sydney in April this year. And when I got it, really got it, everything changed. I became truly intimate with myself, and changes that my body, my soul, had been screaming for, became inevitable. I could no longer live a life where my internal and external worlds didn’t match up.

For this, I am so grateful. This time last year, I felt as though I was suffocating, that if I didn’t make a change I would, quite literally, die. This year, having seen the end of a decade-long partnership, which meant I lost basically the only family I had in Australia, and my home, and all my money, and having also lost the possibility of children in that partnership, and an actual pregnancy, I feel free. Burnt clean by fire.

And empowered in a way that I have as yet not been. This, I attribute to my Yoga. And to what Mark has given me. Access to the Divine Feminine within me, and within us all, male or female. She has been repressed in me, and certainly in our culture, for far too long. This is evident in the way women and children are mistreated in so much of the world, and in the double standards that exist within our own, supposedly egalitarian, culture: women still tend to earn less than men, if they date younger men they are referred to as ‘cougars’ which infers predation, and if they date many men, they are sluts. Never mind that the Mother of God had to be made a virgin in order to be held sacred.

Mark told us a story from Hindu mythology, which illustrates the deep anger of women at this situation. It is our anger, and the anger of our mothers and their mothers, subsumed under sweet smiles while we tolerated situations, not surrendered, but fighting internally against the oppression. Sometimes it’s a ‘small’ thing, like staying in an unhappy marriage because it’s expected, sometimes, it’s great transgressions like violence and abuse, and shame and secrecy. When we collude, we teach our daughters to collude, and the anger builds up inside. But this story also contains the seed of the solution.

Image from Living Spark, click for a link

Once upon a time, the Gods were in a fierce battle with the Demons. They weren’t doing too well, so they called in their crack troops: the powerful Goddess Kali, Goddess of Death and New Birth, who wears a necklace of skulls. She successfully vanquished the demons, but the bloodlust took her and for thousands of years, she danced her lethal dance across the battlefield, slaying, slaying, slaying demons. Her husband, Shiva, eventually grew desperate and laid himself in surrender at her feet, pleading for her to stop. She was about to kill him, too, when she realised that her husband was lying before her, fully surrendered to her. In that moment, it became possible for her to let go of her anger, the anger of thousands of years, and she surrendered to him in turn, and became his beautiful and desirable wife Parvati.

This story hit me between the eyes: I am, and have been, angry like Kali. Angry about the abuses of my youth, the collusion of womenfolk, anger at my husband for his inability (or unwillingness) to be intimate with me, and to show me his real self. Anger at my miscarriage. So what have I been doing? Dancing, using this newly discovered Feminine power to hurt. I was horrified to realise this. It hadn’t been conscious. When I spoke to Mark about it, though, he was quite matter of fact. He said that it was quite understandable, since it is not just my anger I am carrying, but that of generations and generations.

He also said that he believes it is the task of men to forgive and surrender first, because it takes strength to do this, and strength is associated with the masculine. Then, it is the task of women to surrender in turn, and we find harmony, and we heal. Also, it is our work to unify the Ha (masculine, exhale) and Tha (feminine, inhale) within ourselves. Exhale surrenders to inhale, Sun to Moon, and we become whole people. Then, when we enter into relationship, of any sort, but most specifically love relationship, one plus one equals two, a balanced, harmonious two. Not one, which is just unhealthy and co-dependent.

And relationships are yoga. Inhale, exhale, balance harmony. The process we all underwent was so inspiring for one couple that they renewed their wedding vows, with Mark as celebrant. It was the most beautiful, heartfelt wedding I have ever attended and I cried most of the way through. Healing tears. I will post pictures of that in a separate entry, and tell you more about it, if you are interested.

For now though, come see Mark in Melbourne, hear for yourself! He will be here Feb 13 and 14th 2010. Email me if you want to know more.